The Last Monday

Last Sunday Tigress's condition worsened quite a bit.  She was listless and clingy (literally - she couldn't pull her claws back in for lack of strength), and couldn't even sleep she was so miserable.  She just laid there beside me, staring.

We made an appointment to take her to the vet the following day.  I managed to leave work early so I could be with her in her last hours.  We cuddled on the sofa until it was time to take her (see photo above).  She obviously enjoyed being with me but I think that was the only thing good in her life at that point.  We knew it was time.

When the vet called us in and it was time to say goodbye I felt like I couldn't breathe.  She weighed Tigress and agreed that she had deteriorated a lot in the past 10 days (when she was diagnosed).

We were given 5 minutes with her and cuddled her and kissed her, all the while trying to be brave for her so that she could pass calmly.  Finally the vet came in with a nurse.  I wanted to hold her but the nurse had to do it, I guess in case I got upset and moved or something.  We did get to pet her whilst the vet administered the injection.

The worst part was not being able to tell when she passed.  I suppose it's a good thing as it meant that she went so calmly and quickly, it really was like she was going to sleep.  But I wish I could have had a moment when I knew I should say goodbye.

In the end she looked like she was sleeping, too.  I wanted to kiss and cuddle her but she was gone.  I sobbed for a long time when the vet left us to say our final goodbyes.

Now I am trying to come to terms with the fact that she is not coming back and I will never see her again.  That's very difficult, as I barely remember life without her (I was 11 when I got her).  She was with me as I grew up and settled into married life.  But she won't be with me through the rest of it.

We are planning on getting a kitten soon, but nothing will ever be the same as the precious time I had with Tigress.